June 8: The Waiting Room

Jerry Seinfeld on being called in to see the doctor: "And then, they finally call you and it’s a very exciting moment. They finally call you, and you stand up and you kinda look around at the other people in the room. 'Well, I guess I’ve been chosen. I’ll see you all later.' You know, so you think you’re going to see the doctor, but you’re not, are you? No. You’re going into the next waiting room. The littler waiting room."

I can usually relate to this feeling of angst when I find myself in a waiting room, but sometimes I wish I had more time. Today I sat down on a leather seat in a local barber shop to wait for a trim when I noticed the most recent issue of Sports Illustrated in the magazine rack. The picture of the three USA soccer players was so big that it blocked out most of the magazine's title causing me to nearly miss it.

When I grabbed the issue, I didn't anticipate any articles worth reading. I'm not a soccer fan at all and I assumed that with the arrival of the World Cup, most of the magazine would be designated for the subject. I expected to just breeze through the pages and look at the pictures, but when I saw the MLB Draft Preview in the Table of Contents, the race was on.

I promptly turned to page 58 to read about the projected (and actual) number one pick, Bryce Harper. I read an article on the seventeen-year-old in an issue from last year so I didn't feel too much pressure to finish today's. I was more interested in the projected pick of the Padres and who they actually chose. It wasn't until I saw the side article on the Padres' first overall pick in 2004, however, that I really started to feel pressed for time.

The girl at the front desk told me that I would only have to wait for about five minutes and I had already been sitting there for the quoted time. Any minute now they would call my name and I would be forced to put the magazine down. I started speed-reading through the text which meant I wasn't retaining any of it. All I could think about was the fact that if I didn't read fast enough, I wouldn't get to the end. I think the story was about how the Padres neglected the work they had done in scouting the top prospects in that year's draft and went with a cheap local punk named Matt Bush. He went on to be a complete bust for the Padres and the other prospects are now big names in the Majors.

I finished the article before getting called to the chair, but I didn't get to read near enough of the Draft preview. If I hadn't planned on going for a row right after my hair cut, I might have stayed just to finish the reading. In fact, I did that a few weeks ago when I got my stitches out. I went back to the waiting room and finished an article about Derek Jeter, Andy Pettitte, Jorge Posada, and Mariano Rivera.

The point I'm trying to make here is waiting rooms with short waits shouldn't have good magazines. I don't know how one would regulate this, but someone should start figuring it out. I'm sick of feeling rushed in the waiting room and I won't put up with it any longer.