June 19: Kids

Kids are the worst. They're rude and inconsiderate. They're loud and obnoxious. They're dumb beyond belief and they are not cute.

Give a kid a balloon and let a strange man paint a dragon on his face and he cries. Sit a kid on a jolly fat man's lap and he'll cry. No matter what you do for him, he's going to cry. Kids are whiny, ungrateful little jerks.

They complain when you aren't there yet. They complain over a scratched knee and actually believe that a kiss from Mommy makes the "owie" better. They're afraid of the dark and freak out when a spider is near.

Kids have runny noses and dirty hands. They don't have any respect for the clothing that Mom and Dad bought them. They trip over their shoelaces and they can't swim. They flail their arms too much when they run. They stand in my way and aren't apologetic about it.

They don't value money and the cost of things. They want gifts and believe a painting done with their fingers is an adequate gift in return. They can't spell or add, but I'm supposed to be proud of them for drawing a stick figure?

Kids say the darndest things but they do the dumbest things too. They'll chase a ball into traffic and get too close to a dangerous animal. They'll draw on a freshly painted wall and plaster their boogers under antique tables. Things not going your way? Why not yell and scream at the top of your lungs? That might work.

I hate kids. I. Hate. Kids. I hate how they can't order for themselves and I hate how they're more concerned with their electric gadgets than a question being asked of them. I hate their lack of manners and their missing teeth. I hate them. Happy $%#@ing Father's Day.