January 3

Oscar season is among us. This year is different from the past because there are five more vacancies in the Best Picture race and studios will be campaigning harder than ever to get their picture into consideration for the coveted gold statue. This is an exciting time of year for me because of my love for movies. I only wish I didn't have to go to the theatre to see the contenders.

Attending a movie is getting to be a real pain in the ass because of people's lack of self-awareness. Movie patrons are getting more and more oblivious to anyone around them and it really gets on my nerves. They don't realize that they didn't buy a ticket to a show to themselves, but purchased a ticket to share a film with an audience. They bought themselves an invitation to be a part of a group to experience a movie with.

Here is a list of things to keep in mind on your next visit:

• Turn your cell phone off and not to vibrate. The buzz is just as irritating as the ringtone and you won't be tempted to see who just called you or sent you a text message.
• Don't text. Even though it's a quiet act, the light that emits from the screen is just as loud and distracting as the sound a call can make.
• A candy wrapper and popcorn munching is audible and everyone in the theatre can hear it so chew with your mouth shut and don't play with that bag of Skittles. Just eat them.
  
• If you want to talk about the movie, wait until the end and discuss it later. I would be willing to bet that whatever question you have will be answered within the next two hours.
  
• If you have kids, don't take them to a film intended for adults.
• If your baby starts crying, it's not going to stop right away. Take this as a sign to take the kid out of the room and not just into the hallway leading out of the theatre.
  
• Don't let your kids run around or put their feet on the seats in front of them.
  
• In fact, don't take your kids to the theatre at all.
  
• Please show up on time. It will save you the embarrassment of having to yell blindly in search of your friends and it's easier to find a seat in the light. Plus, it's really annoying when I'm trying to focus on the film and you're standing there like an idiot in the corner of my eye.
  
• Just because you can see the screen, doesn't mean the person behind you can too. Sit down!
• If you've seen the movie before, don't tell us to watch the next part. We're THERE to watch the next part!
• Do you know this funny line from the trailer? Keep it to yourself.
• If you can't remember the actor's name or what else he has been in, go to IMDB when you get home. Don't ask your partner.
• Just because I'm not sitting directly in front of you, doesn't mean I want your nasty shoe right next to my face for the duration of the movie.
• SHUT UP!

Now, I know none of you do any of these things. It's always someone else that does them. But if we all practice these things, going to the movies can and will be more enjoyable for everyone.