January 16

I don't know what it is, but people develop connections with cities. I will forever associate a part of myself with Allentown, Pennsylvania because I spent the last summer there. When someone tells me that he or she is from Allentown or that he/she is about to visit, I will more than likely chime in about my experience. What I don’t understand is why people feel it’s their duty to get two separate people together that they know are living in any given city.

Anytime my mom mentions my recent move to someone and he or she knows someone in the area, they feel some kind of obligation to get the two of us together. Why is this? I’m all about making new friends (God knows I need more of them) but I can’t imagine ever being comfortable with meeting someone when the only thing we have in common is the city we call home.

My mom is constantly telling me that she ran into an old friend at the grocery store that just happens to know someone in Austin. These acquaintances have ranged from a daughter, a nephew, a neighbor, or a friend he or she went to high school with thirty years ago. Suddenly, my mom is being asked if she thinks that I would want this person to call me sometime.

Can you imagine getting that phone call? It’s 12:32 and so-and-so is on his or her lunch break: “Hey, Brandon. This is (enter name here) and my mom, aunt, mom’s neighbor, or friend from high school thirty years ago gave me your number and I just called to say hi. Maybe we can get together for a drink some time.”

Ok, I admit. That doesn’t sound that bad, but wait until the meeting! Two days have passed since the phone call. I’m wearing my best pair of jeans and I drive to the bar and walk inside. I remember that the voice on the phone said that he or she would be sitting at the bar wearing some kind of noticeable article of clothing. Oh, God, there he/she is. I have to sit and talk to that?

“Hey, (enter name here)?”

“Brandon! Hi! Nice to meet you.”

“Yeah, thanks. You too. Have you been waiting long?”

“No. Have a seat. I already got a beer. They’re having a special on drafts tonight.”

“Oh, great. Hi, yes, I’ll have whatever your amber ale is.”

And scene! That’s it! It doesn’t and can’t get any better than that. What’s next? “How long have you been in Austin?” Maybe we talk about what bars this person has been to or what places I’ve experienced since being here, but I can’t imagine striking up a conversation that has any value or meaning to me at all.

I know people that live in New York, but I don’t suggest people visiting or moving to New York call that person! I couldn’t care less if they ran into each other. What is the point of suggesting such a meeting? Do people think I’m so miserable and lonely that they feel obligated to help in any way possible? Or are the people they’re setting me up with such losers that he/she needs people to make friends for them? Why would I want to hang out with someone like that?

Some of the people that my mom talks to don’t even know me! I sold him or her a candy bar for the Boy Scouts fifteen years ago and now he/she feels they have to give me friends? If I knew that when I was standing at his/her front door, I would have turned around and forgotten about that badge I was trying to earn. It wasn’t worth it. Keep this in mind the next time you discover someone moving to a city where you know someone else. Just say, "Have fun" and be done with it. Thank you.