January 12

Have you ever experienced something embarrassing that you couldn't control? Perhaps you had to wait for school to end while sporting a cafeteria Sloppy Joe stain on your new Ninja Turtles t-shirt. These sort of things happen all the time. Some of them are horrible and life-changing while others are forgettable, but still embarrassing nonetheless. Today the weather was beautiful here in Austin. I had the day off and decided that it was a perfect day to go for a bike ride, get some fresh air and work on giving my pasty, pale skin some color. And here is where our story begins!

After having some breakfast, I put on my flamboyant silver and white bicycle cleats, white-framed Arnettes that I got my Freshman year of high school and my favorite denim shorts. Instead of wearing this particular pair of shorts, I should have worn my bicycle shorts because they "wick away moisture." Denim shorts, however, do not. Sure, they're stylish, comfortable, and a guaranteed way to pick up girls at a bar on a Friday night, but wick away they do not.

The first half hour of the ride was fine, but as time progressed on the saddle and my lack of air circulation increased, I could feel my loins begin to perspire. Every time I stopped at a traffic light and the January breeze met the seat of my pants, I experienced a cooling sensation. There was definitely some perspiration down there and it only got worse the longer I rode. Was it visible through my shorts or were only my boxers affected? Either way, there wasn't anything for me to do except to keep riding.

Now, I don't think it's a top priority for many drivers at stop lights to check out the cracks of stopped cyclists, but because I could feel that breeze, I knew there was moisture down there; I just didn't know how visible it was becoming. Even though I didn't have a clue who these people were and I'll never see any of them again, it was hard not to feel a bit ashamed when the my shorts were quickly becoming a dark sponge of wetness.

Nobody honked or whistled, but it's still a bit embarrassing to think that my sweaty ass might have been out there on display for everyone's amusement. The only thing I could do, though, was to just keep peddling and hope for all green lights. This wasn't an event that I will remember for the rest of my life or next week for that matter, but it sure did make a good blog entry, didn't it?