January 11

If you know me at all, you know that I wasn't a big drinker in college. In fact, I still wouldn't consider myself a "big drinker," but I definitely indulge myself more now than I did then. I think the thing to do in college, when you don't have any money but you still want to buy beer, is to purchase the cheapest brand possible. This usually results in an awful tasting beer, but hey, you're in college and having a "beer" in your hand is the thing to do. According to campussqueeze.com, the following is a list composed of the top twelve beers you should only drink in college:

1. Genesee Cream Ale
2. Stroh's Beer
3. Schmidt's Beer
4. Coors Light
5. Old Milwaukee
6. Pabst Blue Ribbon
7. Milwaukee's Best Ice
8. Milwaukee's Best
9. Busch Light
10. Keystone Light
11. Natural Ice
12. Natural Light

There isn't anything scientific or groundbreaking about this generated list, but I would say it's still a pretty accurate compilation. The only beer on that list that I've actually had the displeasure of having is Coors Light. That's right! I've never had Natural Ice or Keystone Light so save your judgment for the next blog.

I'm not here to preach about what an unusual college experience I had, but rather to suggest an addition be made to this list. Apparently if you live in Texas, you are required to drink and love Lone Star. This is a shame and there should be a spot on this list reserved for this so-called beer.

I thought Texas was supposed to be a manly state with boots, cows, horses and spitting. People speak with a drawl and drive trucks. They eat steak for breakfast, lunch, and dinner and have hooks to hang their spurs from. Their idea of a good time is sitting on the front porch, whittling flutes out of fallen branches, and talking about being God-fearing men. If this were the case, shouldn't their beer taste a little better than piss?

I hate Coors Light because I feel like I'm drinking dirty water, but Lone Star makes drinking dirty water a joy. Lone Star, because it's like dirty water that has been fermented, filtered, and whatever else you do in the process of brewing beer, should be called the light version of Coors Light. (Maybe take a page from Miller's book and call it Coors Light Lite).

Lone Star is a liquid that, if consumed in high enough quantities, might get you drunk. I honestly feel that I could become intoxicated faster and more enjoyably if I were to fill a can with the window washing detergent at the local Chevron. Because I live in Texas, and a true Texan drinks Lone Star, I suppose I should check my opinion at the door and deal with it. Bottoms up, y'all!