July 7: @#%&

People have come and gone throughout my life. Some of them are funny while others are too sensitive. I've made friends with a few and enemies with a few. Some of these characters are a joy to be around while others are just plain annoying. I've met people that were funny on purpose and others that are unknowingly funny. A recent acquaintance fell into the latter category. He was a nice enough guy and he meant well, but his lack of vocabulary was laughable. Every other word from this chump's mouth was an F-Bomb or the S-Word and it was pretty f*ckin' funny.

He didn't saturate his sentences with expletives for laughs or to make his point. It was just the way he spoke. He would casually intersperse his stories, compliments, and questions with four letter words not suitable for a child's ear. The funny thing was that he was the proud father of a young daughter. I always wondered if he spoke like that in front of her, but I didn't really care. It was just fun laughing at his cockamamie ways.

He would say things like, "The weather is so f*cking nice. I wish I could go to the f*cking lake and lie in the goddamn sunshine." Another line you might overhear him deliver would be, "Brandon, would you mind taking this sh*t to my table so I can go the the f*ckin' bar and grab some f*cking margaritas? Thanks, bro." He was never angry when talking which made it that much more enjoyable. As I type examples of things he would say I'm realizing that it's not going to read as funny as my memory is playing for me. Trust me when I say that I spent the tail end of many conversations with this dude by simply laughing at his choice of words.

I'm not the smartest tool in the shed, but I try to keep my cursing to a minimum. When I let the occasional expletive fly, it's usually for comedic purposes even when I'm expressing my frustrations. Many times, I'll be talking to my parents on the phone and describing a person with whom I despise, but a part of me still wants to be funny. Because I so seldom swear, my hope in describing said person as a "piece of sh*t d*ckhead" is that it clearly paints my emotional feelings with a comedic element to it as well.

One of the many reasons I like Jerry Seinfeld's comedy so much is that he can be so funny without succumbing to cursing. There aren't many comedians out there that can do a forty-five minute show without cursing up a storm. I feel like it's almost a cop out to resort to four letter words to get a guaranteed laugh. Everything is funnier when you throw an F-Word in there somewhere, but it takes a real artist to come up with an entertaining idea without that crutch.

When a person drops an F-Bomb in every sentence, it takes all of the sting away. My dad always said that people who cursed a lot were unintelligent and they couldn't think of a better word. I don't think my friend was dumb, but a person that swears that much is showing a certain lack of energy in coming up with something a little more descriptive.

I've met some people with the goal of their words sparking a laugh. Other friends, like today's subject, unknowingly become the butt of the joke when they do or say absurd things. Cursing is funny, but it's too easy. Curse too much and you no longer look cool; you look foolish. But you become a f*cking laugh riot!