July 10: Life is for the Living

I don't know if it's Austin, Texas or the specific restaurant that I work at, but I have never seen so many old people that look as if they're one sneeze away from keeling over. Walkers, wheelchairs, hearing aids, and a whole lot of loose veiny, translucent skin. Wisps of white hair that refuses to lie flat on freckled and speckled scalps and the posture! My goodness the posture!

It takes three grown men to help one doddery hunchback in and out of the front seat of a sedan. Getting an old lady from her seat at the table to the handicap stall takes another two middle-aged women and one little girl. One lady pulls the hands, one lady slips her right hand under the overcoat and supports the lower back, and the little girl holds the handbag.

The elderly can't walk, hear, or speak louder than a whisper. They usually don't have a sense of humor, they're rude and bossy, and they're crotchety beyond belief. They can't drive, jog, or cook and they contribute nothing to society with the exception of an occasional good story; and that's if they can remember it!

As soon as I can't wipe my own butt it's time to pull the plug. When I need someone to put my parking break on so I don't roll away, it's time for a make out session with a goose down pillow. Let me go to the bathroom by myself. If I can't get up, leave me there; I don't want to return. When I need someone to spoon the dribble off my chin, it's time for a spoon of arsenic to my oatmeal.

I'm a firm believer in euthanasia. I once saw a quote that read, "Life is for the living" and I never really understood what it meant until I started this post. Being carted around and babied all day every day is not living. If you're an infant, then yeah, life will come around. But if you're an old man or woman, life isn't going to get any better for you. It's only going to get worse.

I feel like people keep their parents and grandparents around for their own selfish reasons. An old man that lies in bed all day long, hooked up to a breathing apparatus and an IV is not living. He's a vegetable. Yeah, it's difficult letting go and maybe my views will change when I find myself in that scenario, but keeping them going isn't doing them any favors. If they were in a coma it would be different. But being a hundred and three in a wheelchair by a window without your mind is useless.

I guess what I'm really trying to say here is do what you want. But when I reach that plateau in life where I need someone in the stall with me, I'll say my goodbyes and get on with it.