July 3: On the Hour and When it Breaks

Is this thing on? Can you hear me? Did you say "Donna?" Hi, Donna. Are you there? Donna must have given up. Next caller on a cell phone, are you there?

I love talk radio. I wake up to the gardening channel and I don't garden. I fall asleep to Coast to Coast AM and I'm not a conspiracy theorist. I'll listen to everything from Rush Limbaugh (even though I can't stand him) to Laura Schlessinger. I love hearing callers call in and give their opinions on the Cleveland Browns' Offensive Line and I don't know anything about football. Gardening, conspiracies, politics, therapy, sports, open lines, headline news, and love song requests. I love Dr. Dean Edell and Dr. Dog. I love Leo Laporte the Tech Guy and Bruce Asakawa. Art Bell and George Noory are brilliant. Jim Rome is ridiculous, but I still listen when I can. I love it all.

There was a show that I used to listen to when I lived in California called The Third Shift. I hated the show, but for some reason, I still tuned in every single night. It was two guys (John and Jeff) that talked about the day's headlines and they would have listeners call in and voice their opinions. They would do segments called "Stupid and Worthless Trivia" and they would find lists for everything. "The top ten most used online passwords," "The top ten most common dog names." One night I won a Third Shift tee shirt by knowing that "Password" was the most used online password. Stupid and worthless, right?

The funniest thing about the show was that the hosts had a name for listeners like me. I was a part of the 22 Percent Club. According to John and Jeff, 22 percent of their listeners hated the show, but still tuned in. Where they got that figure, I don't know but I was definitely a part of it. Why would anyone be proud of having 22 percent of his audience hate his show? Sometimes they would have listeners call in and admit to being a part of this club. The listener would then go on about why they didn't like the show only to be berated by John. This was why I didn't like the program.

John was a pompous assh*le that had to always be right. If a listener didn't agree with him, John would literally sit there and put down the caller for being intellectually inferior to him. He even did it to his co-host on numerous occasions. Jeff would sit there like the wimp that he was and take it. He would throw out a few little jokes to ease the tension, but he took it nevertheless. And for some reason, I still tuned in every single night.

The Third Shift would infuriate me sometimes, but it was interesting. It was talk radio and I had to listen. I love the Padres pregame show, postgame show, and play-by-play. I feel like the hosts of each are family and listening to them is relaxing. I love listening to four hour blocks of conservative radicals bash the current administration and then hear about the troubles of teen mothers for another four hours. I love hearing the same new bulletins every half hour, on the hour and when it breaks. I love hearing a host scold a caller for having the radio turned on. There's something hilarious when a caller that doesn't know how to respond after being on hold for an hour and a half. Talk radio. I love it.