March 2: Time!

She sat down across from me and immediately started texting. She didn't even say hello first. Pulled out the chair, sat herself down, reached into her purse, and had the message started before the phone was even out.

"Hi," I said. "I'm Brandon."

No answer. Just the rapid movement of thumbs across the raised, tactile keyboard. She was pretty enough. Her long, dirty blonde hair covered her down-turned face before she raised her chin and looked through the strands of hair at me. "Hi. Sorry about that. My friend just got a puppy and she's really excited about it."

"Oh, that's ok," I said embarrassed. Why was I embarrassed? I should have been pissed off. She knew we were on a time limit! "This is a pretty crazy idea, huh?"

"TIME!"

And just like that, she stood up, walked to the next seat and out of my life.

"Hi, I'm Patty!" said a girl that was the size of a house as she sat down in the texter's place. "I'm so nervous right now! I can't believe I let my friends convince me to do something so crazy. I mean, it's a really good idea because I've met SO many great guys and we're not even halfway done yet! It's just that normally, I'm really shy and here I am! I'm here! So what do you do?"

My brain couldn't work fast enough. I was still taking in the sight of this Patty girl. A mop of bright red curly hair sat on a fat face with a thick layer of makeup caked on. Everything from her purple mascara, her enthusiastic green eyes to her blood-red lipstick made me incapable of anything but staring. "I, um. I'm a...food...I mean, they eat and I...Sorry. I give food to hungry people."

"Oh. My. God! That is SO honorable! So you work at a food shelter?"

"No. Sorry. I wait tables at a restaurant."

"TIME!"

Thank goodness! With a heave and a very audible grunt, Patty lifted herself to the next stop on her journey and was replaced by a dwarf. Literally. Or do they still like to be called little people? Either way, this had to have been a joke put on by the organizers. Why else would they line up the smallest girl in the room directly behind the largest one? I immediately started laughing to myself and was in a full fit of laughter by the time the newcomer had hoisted herself into the folding chair across from me.

"What's funny?" she threatened. Great start.

"Nothing, I'm sorry. It's just funny that you are behind..."

"You think it's funny that a midget wants to find love? You think it's funny that we want companionship? Let me tell you something, buddy! You're here too! You're not any better than anyone else in this room. You obviously don't have a lot of luck in the lady department or you wouldn't be here either!"

"I'm sorry," I said trying desperately to suppress my laughter. "I'm not laughing at that. I swear. I think it's hilarious that they lined you up behind..."

"You're an asshole, you know that?" She was getting really angry and the only thing she was accomplishing was making me laugh harder. Tears welled up in my eyes and began running down my face as I closed my eyes tightly hoping to cease my laughter.

"TIME!"

"Go to Hell, you prick!" she spat as she lowered herself to the ground and beyond my line of vision. I could only see the top of her head over the edge of the table before she shot a tiny hand up with her middle finger raised. She kept her arm raised until she reached the next chair and needed both hands to climb up.

I wiped the tears off of my cheeks and out of my eyes with both hands as the last few giggles made their way out. When I lowered my hands, I raised my eyes to the next girl sitting across from me.



Listening to +44