People are always asking me what traits I look for in a girl. Well, there are actually quite a few things that I look for. She has to be able to make me laugh and be able to hold an intelligent conversation. I've always wanted a girl that can make me think differently and not be afraid of speaking her mind. I don't want a girl with tattoos or an excessive amount of piercings. People always say how shallow it is to be so hung up on looks, but I can't be with a girl if I'm not physically attracted to her. Most importantly, though, I need a girl that can take a provocative picture of herself in a mirror with a camera phone.
A girl that can stand in a bikini with her thumb on the shutter release button while striking a promiscuous pose at the same time will win me over every time. When I see a profile picture that was taken in front of a full-length mirror on a social networking website, I make it a priority to send a friend request immediately. My heart races when I see a picture of a girl standing in front of a bathroom counter where all of her toiletries are spread out. I want to see her toothbrush, hairbrush, and mascara brush all in one shot. Nothing turns me on more than a grainy jpeg with a giant white blotch right in the middle of everything. And if that picture was taken on a phone with a full QWERTY keyboard? Oh, mamma!
A girl that likes baseball and Seinfeld can win big points in my book. It's a necessity that I find someone that will put up with my immaturity and elementary humor. However, if she owns a Motorola Razr v3 and a large mirror, she will instantly reserve herself a spot in my heart. I don't want a girl that will send me private pictures through email. If she insists on sending a personal text where she's scantily clad, I suppose I can deal, but what I really want is for her to post a picture that anyone can see.
How do I make the distinction between a good self-portrait and a bad one, you ask? Well, a good one will be followed by 14 comments from guys wearing "wife beaters" and trucker hats. Some of the guys will be flexing abdominal muscles while others will be dramatically looking at the camera with slight head tilts. Their comments will be a plethora of supportive remarks that range from "mmm" to "damn, girl!" to " yum" to "lookin' good, Sweetheart." I don't know about you, but that's when I know a picture is legit.
So, yeah. I'm pretty picky when it comes to selecting a girl. I want a girl that I can introduce to mom and dad. I need someone that can be a role model for my little sister. A girl with a great sense of humor and a knack for taking classy photographs in front of a bathroom or closet mirror is essential to my happiness. If she can take an over-the-shoulder shot with that 2.0 mega pixel camera phone, she better clear her life's calendar because I'm a gonna make her my wife.
hahaha great job
ReplyDeleteI really like this post. It is maybe my second favorite. Second to the one about the earth quake and the girl. I like that one the best. Anyway, I really like this post and I wanted to tell you I lol'd fo realz several times while reading, I think it's a valid social commentary; however, I wanted to point something out that has maybe been overlooked:
ReplyDeleteWhat of the douchebag that solicited the lame-o naked photo of self-portrait girl? It really is becoming a problem for young women. They want to fit in, they want guys to like them, men request these photos and they are too young and naive to say no. I request a blog about the douchebags that ask for these things. Otherwise, I think it is unfair to comment on the lameness of the self-portrait girl without taking in the other side of the story.
But again, I really liked this post. That is my critique sandwich.
Thanks for the sandwich, Lizz. I'll take your request into consideration.
ReplyDelete