February 17: The Stacker of Molcajetes

They must be stacked just so. Not too high and not too low. Three rows deep and four rows across. In the North? Make sure they are stacked at least five high. In the West? Better make it six high. Their job is universal. They house the Land O Lakes and the Borden. They are primarily used to present the red, fiery liquids, but have been known to accurately divide the more mild, yellow flavoring amongst children. In the industry, they are known as the molcajetes.

It takes a specially gifted individual to stack molcajetes. It takes a person of patience; for the molcajetes are not as plentiful as one might assume. It takes a person with a sound knowledge of his surroundings. Someone that knows his way around a stainless steel shelf. The molcajete is a crafty creature and relishes the idea of losing itself amongst the other beings. It is devoted to the mysterious game of disappearance. He who can locate a molcajete when others have given up all hope can accomplish anything.

He can stack beige warmers and clear cups for frozen treats of different color. He can lift a 32 gallon storage bin filled with crispy corn-flavored scoops over his head and into the belly of the hungry temperature-controlled beast. He can produce slices of lemons and limes from their original forms. It takes, however, so much more than patience and perseverance to be a successful stacker of molcajetes.

Agility is not a skill learned or taught. It is a skill that one is born with. The ability to remain upright and quick on one's feet during the fast-paced confusion of nightly activity is a must. It is crucial. He who cannot escape the dangerous reach of a skating, white creature carrying frozen water cubes cannot and will not ever be a successful molcajete stacker. If he cannot retrieve the brown cardboard crate with the printed Styrofoam down from the heavens without unleashing the Earth-hating fiends upon unsuspecting passers, he most certainly cannot stack molcajetes.

Thou may have the ability and precision to stack seven inch clear plastic holders of carbonated elixir. Thou may even be able to stack round, flat keepers of warm edible wrappings, but those simple abilities do not guarantee that thou can stack molcajetes. Can he deliver one flat, orange surface of said plastic holders stacked six high, three rows across, and four rows deep? No. I have met the one they call Molcajete Stacker. He is all-knowing in the ways and skills needed to stack molcajetes. He is agile. He is patient and persistent. He is Brando.