February 5: The Perfect Pee

The lights are bright as I enter the tiled room. Tiles on the ground and tiles on the walls. Four mirrors reflect my stride as I make my way to the center of one of the walls. I face the wall and stand less than a foot away from it as I unzip my pants. The relieving sensation feels great as I urinate and watch the liquid silently drain down the wall. When I've finished, I pull the zipper up, step back, and let the automatic flush do its thing. I'm not usually a fan of using urinals, but when I notice that a restroom has an automatic flushing floor mounted urinal, I squeal with joy.

I don't find any comfort at all in using a wall mounted urinal. They are always too close to each other and the dividers that separate them are always too low. I feel like I'm on stage when I'm using a urinal on a wall and I can't go at all if there is someone standing at the nearest one. I feel like the design of these toilets is extremely unsatisfactory as well. No matter how I aim my stream, because of their lack of depth, I always end up splashing on myself. I've tried every aiming technique in the book and always come away with splash marks. I can aim for the urinal cake causing my stream to ricochet to the back wall and hope for a soft landing, but it still splashes all the way back out and all over my pants. I've tried aiming along one side thinking that the stream will again ricochet to the back wall and then splash to the other side of the urinal, but this idea also fails. The only way I've ever had any luck at a urinal was if there was water at the bottom that I could aim for. Being able to use one of those without having a neighbor is so rare that I don't even bother though. I always prefer the comfort of the racquetball court (also known as the handicap stall).

A floor mounted urinal is different. With these fixtures, I can aim my stream much lower on the wall which prevents splashing. Because I can aim lower, I can stand closer to the wall which gives me more privacy from neighboring pissers. I don't have to worry about the length or size of the dividers. A floor mounted urinal has its downsides too though. Most of them use manual flushes which are no good. I refuse to touch a public handle so I always use my foot to activate the flush, but on a floor mounted urinal, it is too high. I don't have a problem reaching it, but I don't want to be seen kicking my leg four feet up a wall in a restroom. Again, I will usually just use the private stall.

An automatic flushing floor mounted urinal eliminates all of these issues and concerns and makes for an enjoyable urination. I can stand close enough to the wall to keep spectators away; I get to feel like I'm peeing down the side of a wall without being drunk; and there aren't any splash marks on my pants when I'm finished. On top of that, I don't have to worry about how I'm going to flush! Whenever I am forced to use a public restroom, I usually go for the handicap stall for its privacy and spaciousness, but if there is an automatic flushing floor mounted urinal, sign me up!