April 29: (Race) Car Ya-Yas

I recently posted a blog entry on my distaste for bumper stickers. I wrote how I didn't see the point of expressing one's views with adhesive and plastering those beliefs on a car that was going to be left unattended was just asking for trouble. Today, however, I would like to write about using one's vehicle for comic relief.

Is it just me, or do an overwhelming number of Mexican gardeners have awesome stuffed animals riding on the outside of their compact trucks? While sitting at a traffic light today, I looked to my right and noticed a blue stuffed shark strapped to the tailgate of a small Nissan truck. Its vibrant blue fur was quite the contrast to the unwashed dark blue of the dirty truck. I've never seen a teddy bear on a Suburban or a Camry. I have yet to see a stuffed Nemo on a PT Cruiser, but there's always a spot for such a character on a beat up Ford Ranger with a lawnmower in the bed. The real joy for me, however, comes when I see that oblivious man behind the wheel staring blankly ahead. He never looks like the kind of guy that would have a teddy bear on the grill of his truck. He looks so serious!

I know for a fact, that my next favorite is a favorite for almost everyone. There is no better feeling than that of witnessing a Dodge Ram with a pair of beige colored testicles swinging peacefully from the trailer hitch race by on the freeway. I could be having a lousy day, but when I pull up behind that truck at a stop sign and I see those nuts, my mood changes drastically.

I want to meet the guy (I'm assuming it was a dude) that came up with such an idea. I bet he was the life at every party he attended. I bet he had the best sense of humor around and he was the envy of pranksters everywhere. How did he come up with the idea? How many balls did he have to see before deciding they would look good on the back of a truck? Was he looking at a trailer hitch when the idea light came on or was he staring at a hairy sack? How much money has that guy's invention generated?

Antenna balls is another form of automobile flare, but I think they're a little overdone. They aren't original anymore. I really liked the campaign that Jack-In-The-Box had a few years ago, though. Depending upon which city a person was in, he or she could get their Jack antenna ball with that particular city's baseball helmet. Buy a Jumbo Jack in San Diego, get a Padres Jack antenna ball. Buy one in Kansas City, get a Jack sporting a Royals helmet. When Wienerschnitzel had the commercials with the running hotdog, people could get a little hotdog to put on their antenna which was cool, but overall, the concept isn't that creative or funny anymore.

The best example of automobile hilarity that I can remember, however, was how a driver used his car's DVD player. It was about nine o'clock at night and I was in Hemet, California. I was at a stop light when I looked to my right and saw that the car was playing a movie. I always like trying to see if I can guess the movie that the riders are watching before the light changes, so I was squinting and trying to figure it out. It didn't take long for me to notice a naked woman on her back being violated in every which way. Embarrassed, I quickly looked away, but not before noticing the driver looking at me through his tinted window and laughing hysterically.

I don't know if he was laughing at catching me catching him watching porn or if he was laughing at my own attempt at getting double takes. On that particular night, I had a life-sized stuffed dummy riding shotgun in my own truck. I had just finished shooting my Survivor audition tape and I couldn't possibly throw my dummy away. I didn't have any place to keep him, so I kept him strapped into my truck. I usually keep him in the back seat, but for some reason, I thought it would be funny to drive around with him in the front seat that night. No, I have never used the carpool lane with him. It was simply for a laugh.

Stuffed animals strapped to the racks of a trucks and antenna balls expressing team pride. Pornography on a night's drive and swinging testicles racing by. I've seen some fascinating forms of creativity on and in vehicles. Some are weird and completely random. Others are hilarious and awe-inspiring. Don't use your vehicle for propaganda, but as a means of expressing your creativity. Drive around with a dummy in your car and you'll be amazed at the number of double takes you get on a daily basis and you'll be equally impressed with how scared your passengers will get when they realize they aren't the only ones riding with you!