September 8: Electrotherapy with Boredom and Curiosity

The Empi 300 PV is a state of the art electrotherapy system for home use. Its two lead wires connect to electrodes that are placed on the targeted muscle and supplies an electrical current to stimulate muscle contraction. With the Empi 300 PV, I have been instructed to use the electric current to contract the recently repaired tendon in my fifth phalange on my left hand.

When the physical therapist showed me how to use my new toy, she dialed the intensity control to a modest 4.0. Upon pressing the start button, my fingers twitched, tingled, and curled into my palm without my help. At a setting of 4.0 I was unable to extend my fingers. They were locked into a fist for the five second interval that the therapist had assigned. I was astonished at the strength of these one inch, sticky circles on my arm. "How high do the settings go?" I asked. 14.0 was the answer.

Boredom will lead a child to light drops of oil on fire in his father's garage. Curiosity will cause teenagers to experience with sex and drugs. Combining the two can have fatal and/or comedic results.

As Mick Jagger bounced on a stage singing "Jumping Jack Flash" in Martin Scorsese's Shine a Light, I sat shirtless in my chair at the dining room table. In front of me, the Empi 300 PV sat quietly with its wires and electrodes waiting for further instruction. My chin barely reached my right shoulder as I massaged my naked bicep with my left hand. I slowly curled my right arm across my body and studied the muscle movements. I watched them flex and felt the specific locations that caused the arm's movement.

Satisfied with my observations, I peeled the first electrode from the clear plastic covering and carefully placed it on the lower half of my relaxed bicep. I then placed the second electrode on the upper portion of the muscle just below the shoulder. With my right arm hanging at my side, I followed the two lead wires from the bicep to the output jack of the system's control box.

My heart raced when the front display panel on the gray box lit up upon turning the power on. The intensity controls were still set at 4.0 from my earlier session. I pressed the up arrow once and watched the digit to the right of the decimal change to 5. Twenty more clicks and I was at maximum strength. If 4.0 made a fist, surely 14.0 would be enough to lift an arm.

My racing heart was now accompanied by a deep rhythmic beat from somewhere behind my sternum. The palms of my hands were damp and I didn't notice the old footage of the Rolling Stones and their early interviews. With all of my focus and concentration on the wires taped to my arm, I got as close to the bicep as I could; I wanted to see every minute, flexing movement. My eyes were on my arm, my left fingers were wrapped around the machine, and my thumb was softly grazing the start button; and then it pressed down.

The deep pounding I heard in my chest before my experiment was nothing compared to the slapping I felt immediately after depressing the button. In a matter of less than a second, my entire arm went numb before rocketing across my chess where my relaxed fingers met my unsuspecting face and I was nearly thrown out of the chair from shock.

Boredom is the state of feeling weary from a lack of interest in one's current activity. Curiosity is a strong desire to know or learn something. A bag of frozen vegetables held to the left side of my face is the result of combining the two. The Empi 300 PV has been dialed down to its recommended 4.0 where it will stay for the duration of my at-home treatment to the tendon in the fifth phalange of my left hand.