September 26: Status Update Etiquette

Last week, I re-read a post I wrote in May of 2009 using Facebook's Notes feature. The writing's terrible and there are quite a few grammatical errors. This is the post:

I recently received a comment on a Facebook note I wrote almost a year and a half ago and it reminded me about the power of the note. It's an often-forgotten feature that is there for everyone to see every time they click on someone's profile to stalk them. Let's face it, that's what Facebook is: stalking. Now, granted, it isn't as easy to stalk someone (you actually have to be "friends") on Facebook as it is to stalk a complete stranger on Myspace, but I digress.

My note today (only my second, but I think I'll use the feature more now that I've been reminded how powerful and influential it can be) is not about the ethical dilemmas we face when clicking a "friend's" profile link, but it is on the topic of something that has always irked me. There are many things in life that "get my goat," but the one that I can write about here that we can all relate to is the Status Update feature that many Facebookers loves to use. I know that some of you enjoy using the updater more than others because of another Facebook feature we ALL use: the Newsfeed. "Brandon has updated his status from 'single' to 'it's complicated' is something you will probably never read in the Newsfeed, but again, that's a topic for another day.

The Status Update feature that Facebook has allowed us all the benefit of using, can, and HAS been used for good things. However, I feel that some of us (you know who you are) are taking the updater for granted. My goal with this note, then, is to give you a few lessons that will make you look more intelligent while expressing yourself. The following will use some examples, and to avoid any confusion, I will use my own name as the Facebook user's name (you).

If you have been with Facebook a while and you are a frequent user of the Status Updater, you will have noticed that when Facebook first started, all of the updates started with "Brandon is." It was the user's responsibility to fill in the blank. "Brandon is going home for Christmas." The problem with this was that some people didn't take the time to form proper sentences that incorporated the preposition "is" into his or her update. Status updates started reading "Brandon is I am hungry and can't wait for dinner!" The creators of Facebook took the liberty of changing the website so errors like this wouldn't happen. Status updates now started with "Brandon is" with the preposition being highlighted to give the user the option of being able to remove it. Updates could now read "Brandon just needs some attention" instead of the user having to come up with "Brandon is starved for attention and needs to take extreme measures to fill the hunger."

Problem: solved, right? Not so fast. Users of Facebook still find it difficult to press the backspace button a few times to erase the "is." Status updates still came in as "Brandon is New Office episode tonight!" Really? Brandon is now a television show? That should help with the need for attention, right?

Anyway, I know that there will be people who will read this note and find many grammatical errors. I'm not here to give a lesson in perfect writing, but I want you to know that when people read your updates, they think less of you for being dumb. I know I do. The truth is, most of you out there are smarter than me, but it doesn't show in the way you express yourselves. Please take the time to take a quick look at what you're about to post and fix any blatant typos. Occasionally, when I post a status update, I will look at it in my profile and if I see an error, I will fix it. You can delete the previous unintelligent status completely from your profile and no one will ever know that you made the mistake.

Before I conclude, I have one other thing that I would like to mention. Please pick an update for yourself and stick to it. No one cares that "Brandon is reading MLB rumors," "Brandon just burped and tasted a brown sugar Pop-Tart he had an hour ago," and "Brandon is doing a load of laundry, but forgot to take the change out of his jeans and is now listening to the sounds of clanging metal reverberate off the walls of his apartment" all in a two-minute time span. Seriously, no one cares. You may get a comment here and there about how a similar situation happened to one of your "friends," but that person was probably just bored. Please be creative in your updates, but don't over-do it.

I know this note was long, and for those of you that read the message in its entirety, I thank you. Now go out there and let the world know what you're up to, but please show us that you have some self-respect.