September 12: Dinner with the Love Guru

Before video iPods and iPads there was the portable DVD player. A simple disc drive with a small screen attached. The portable DVD player was (and still is) the perfect companion for a long trip. Being able to take your movies with you on a flight or a road trip can really make the time go by faster. Parents use the devices to entertain their kids on such trips and even in restaurants so the adults can talk without worrying about what the kids are up to.

All of this is fine and dandy and I don't have a problem with it. Tonight, however, I saw an adult couple sitting at the bar with a movie playing. Now, I've seen people in restaurants with DVD players before so it's not that unusual, but those people are usually sitting by themselves. They normally look like the type of person that doesn't have a single friend in the world. Once I get past my initial reaction to laugh at these people, I feel bad for them. I feel bad that everyone around them (including the waitstaff) is laughing and pointing. These patron movie watchers have to be aware that they are the talk of the dining room. They have to be a bit self conscious, right? I mean, they are the only ones A) sitting by themselves and B) with a DVD player on the table.

The couple I saw tonight didn't match the norm. He was all tattooed up and she had a hip air about her. They looked perfect for each other. But if you were to take the player away and ask which couple at the bar it belonged to, I would never have guessed them. What really confused me, though, was the movie they were watching. It would be one thing if one of them was showing the other a clip of a project he/she was working on. I don't know. Maybe one of them worked in the film industry and wanted to share the progress he/she was making on a recent project. They haven't seen each other for a while and this was on the only opportunity they had to update the other. Instead, they were both watch The Love Guru.

I love Mike Myers. I think he's hilarious and I love every SNL skit and movie he's done; with The Love Guru being the exception. That movie is absolute garbage. I've said before that the only redeeming quality it has is that is contains one of my favorite celebrity cameo moments. Other than that, there isn't anything funny about it. To sit in a busy bar and watch a five-inch screen of The Love Guru makes you look like a complete fool.

Over the past two weeks, I've been hosting instead of waiting tables. Often times when I ask a guest how many people are in their party, I will ask if they need any kid's menus. Sometimes a grown woman will want one with a pack of crayons. I always oblige her, but I like to joke that the conversation must really be lacking if she needs to color to stay entertained. How healthy is the relationship of two people that would rather watch The Love Guru in public than to talk with one another?

You can pretty much put movies on anything nowadays. We always carry our phones with us so being able to store a movie on them for our next trip can be very convenient. With the portable DVD player, however, it's one more piece of equipment that we have to lug around. One more thing we have to worry about when we use the restroom or order messy food. If you don't have any friends and you still want to dine out, they can keep us occupied and not feeling so lonely. You're sending a whole different message to the people you're sitting around when you bring one into a restaurant with your significant other. At least play a respectable movie.