September 13: Football's Back? Damn.

Yesterday I was stuck at work while my beloved Padres were in the middle of a crucial game with the despicable San Francisco Giants. It was the fourth game of a four-game series and the Padres were trying desperately to stay on top of the National League West. I couldn't care less about anything other than baseball so I was making routine visits to the bar for score updates. The game wasn't on TV which meant I was forced to rely on the sports ticker on the bottom of the screen.

Yesterday was Sunday. Yesterday was opening day for the National Football League. Yesterday marked the end of my quick score updates. For those of you that don't know, the ticker is alphabetized by sport; with the exception of Major League Baseball. The rolling scores go from AL (American League Baseball) to NCAAF (College Football) to NFL (National Football League) to NL (National League Baseball). Why the AL and the NL aren't together, I have no idea. I want to say as recent as last year it was done that way, but now it's not.

Throughout the summer, I've had the luxury of being able to avoid management just long enough to get a score update from the NL category before having to return to work. If I got to the TV too late, the score would repeat in a few short minutes. Now that this football sport is in full swing, I have to wait for the scores of college football (with accompanied player and team highlights) and professional football (with accompanied player and team highlights). If I get to the TV too late now, there's no way I can get away with just hanging out for the scores to start over.

When I had cable, I was always aggravated by the amount of attention SportsCenter gave to football. I always felt like they covered the sport ad nauseam and when I would tune into ESPN while lying in bed, I wanted to see what happened in the world of baseball too. Baseball has 162 games in a season and football only has 16 so I can understand a football fan's point that baseball might get more coverage. September, however, is one of the most important months in the sport and football just gets in the way of that for me.

People are always a bit shocked when they find out that I don't really have much of an interest in football. Upon meeting me, it usually takes approximately five minutes to learn of my obsession with MLB, but when hearing about my apathy toward the San Diego Chargers and football in general, people are usually taken back. Rarely will you find a man with a passion so strong in one sport and hardly any interest in any other sport. I'm that man.

I'll be the first to admit that I'm a bandwagon Charger fan. I get pumped when they make the playoffs. I try to rearrange my schedule to watch those games. The other regular-season 16? I don't really care. The first game I sat down and watched last year was the Chargers first round loss to the New York Jets. I just can't get into football. I'm so emotionally attached to the Padres that putting faith in another team that I have no control over would literally kill me. Also, I think football is nothing more than a one-quarter sport. The fourth quarter is where all the action is. You can score four touchdowns in the first and the rest of the game is a wash. If it's a close game with minutes left in the game, then (and only then) is the game exciting.

The Padres are fighting to stay alive in September and I have to wait forever just to get an update because football is back. SportsCenter won't cover anything but Big 10 or 12 or whatever it's called and the NFL. How's a guy supposed to look busy when he has to stand around a TV for an hour just to get a few scores? Everyone is talking about fantasy football and "pick-em" games. What about me? What about baseball? Have you all forgotten that it's America's favorite pastime?

September 12: Dinner with the Love Guru

Before video iPods and iPads there was the portable DVD player. A simple disc drive with a small screen attached. The portable DVD player was (and still is) the perfect companion for a long trip. Being able to take your movies with you on a flight or a road trip can really make the time go by faster. Parents use the devices to entertain their kids on such trips and even in restaurants so the adults can talk without worrying about what the kids are up to.

All of this is fine and dandy and I don't have a problem with it. Tonight, however, I saw an adult couple sitting at the bar with a movie playing. Now, I've seen people in restaurants with DVD players before so it's not that unusual, but those people are usually sitting by themselves. They normally look like the type of person that doesn't have a single friend in the world. Once I get past my initial reaction to laugh at these people, I feel bad for them. I feel bad that everyone around them (including the waitstaff) is laughing and pointing. These patron movie watchers have to be aware that they are the talk of the dining room. They have to be a bit self conscious, right? I mean, they are the only ones A) sitting by themselves and B) with a DVD player on the table.

The couple I saw tonight didn't match the norm. He was all tattooed up and she had a hip air about her. They looked perfect for each other. But if you were to take the player away and ask which couple at the bar it belonged to, I would never have guessed them. What really confused me, though, was the movie they were watching. It would be one thing if one of them was showing the other a clip of a project he/she was working on. I don't know. Maybe one of them worked in the film industry and wanted to share the progress he/she was making on a recent project. They haven't seen each other for a while and this was on the only opportunity they had to update the other. Instead, they were both watch The Love Guru.

I love Mike Myers. I think he's hilarious and I love every SNL skit and movie he's done; with The Love Guru being the exception. That movie is absolute garbage. I've said before that the only redeeming quality it has is that is contains one of my favorite celebrity cameo moments. Other than that, there isn't anything funny about it. To sit in a busy bar and watch a five-inch screen of The Love Guru makes you look like a complete fool.

Over the past two weeks, I've been hosting instead of waiting tables. Often times when I ask a guest how many people are in their party, I will ask if they need any kid's menus. Sometimes a grown woman will want one with a pack of crayons. I always oblige her, but I like to joke that the conversation must really be lacking if she needs to color to stay entertained. How healthy is the relationship of two people that would rather watch The Love Guru in public than to talk with one another?

You can pretty much put movies on anything nowadays. We always carry our phones with us so being able to store a movie on them for our next trip can be very convenient. With the portable DVD player, however, it's one more piece of equipment that we have to lug around. One more thing we have to worry about when we use the restroom or order messy food. If you don't have any friends and you still want to dine out, they can keep us occupied and not feeling so lonely. You're sending a whole different message to the people you're sitting around when you bring one into a restaurant with your significant other. At least play a respectable movie.

September 11: Immortal Sid

It's no secret how much I love Coast to Coast AM. I've already written entire posts about the late night radio show and posts about talk radio in general where the program ends up taking over. Anytime I find myself involved in a conversation about paranormal phenomena, I try to recruit new listeners. Halfway through my explanation of the program, however, I always find myself bored with my description. I can never come up with solid reasons on the spot for listening to the show. On last night's program, a caller made my job a lot easier.

I had just marked my spot in the book I'm reading, set it on the bedside table, and turned the radio on. George Noory, the host of the program, was taking calls from listeners in a segment known as "Open lines." This is the part of the show when people normally call with tales of ghost and UFO sightings. A few years ago, whenever Noory opened the lines for callers, I would always change the channel. Some of the callers were a little too good at describing the shadow people that lurked in dark corners of their houses.

The first caller last night wasn't calling about ghosts or shadow people. He wasn't calling about September 11 conspiracy theories either. He simply wanted to tell Noory that he was an immortal and that he really enjoyed the show. This, of course, sparked Noory's interest and the caller became the receiver of an onslaught of questions. George Noory isn't the first host of the program, but he does such a great job interviewing lunatics. He never asks demeaning questions or makes his guests feel as dumb as they sound. He always sounds legitimately interested in what the caller has to say even if he claims to be over 500-years-old.

What amazed me about this caller was that his answers actually made sense. "Sid from Canada" said that he has had to move around a lot because it would raise suspicions if he were to stay in one city for too long. He didn't know exactly how old he was but it was somewhere in the vicinity of 500. He's had a wide variety of jobs and he didn't know if his parents were immortals or not. When asked what he found interesting, he replied with "Wars and art." He liked how the wars have evolved through the years.

None of these facts were given in jest. Sid was completely serious and so was Noory with his questioning. How can you not find this caller fascinating? Coast to Coast AM is filled to the brim with callers just like immortal Sid. You never know what you're going to get when tuning in which is why you should make it a habit to listen every night. I'm begging you to please check out this program. Here is a link for you to find the station in your area:

http://www.coasttocoastam.com/stations

September 10: September Baseball

I've always hated the month of September. When I was younger, it marked the beginning of the school year. I know most schools start at the end of August, but I'm pretty sure my first day of first or second grade started in September so as far as I'm concerned, September means the end of summer. It meant the loss of days spent on Slip 'n Slides and the beginning of homework. September was synonymous with unbearably hot recesses and lunches and sweaty backs after walks home from the bus stop. After a ten game slide and six outs away from losing sole possession of first place, I hate September for a whole new reason.

The Padres are breaking my heart. All year I told myself that it was just a fluke that they were in first. I told myself it would never last. They weren't supposed to be any good, let alone this good. Fighting for the best record in the National League? That wasn't them. I would have been thrilled with a .500 record, but at the end of August they were a whopping 27 games over. After taking two of three games from the second place Giants, I started to believe. It wasn't about whether or not they would be playing in October. It was, "how deep could they go?"

They were six and a half games up on those fading Giants. The Rockies were done. The Padres, however, refuse to score runs now and both teams are back. If the Giants hold on to this lead, they will be tied for first. The Rockies have won their eighth in a row and are breathing down the necks of both the Giants and Padres with just two and a half games back in the standings. This is September baseball. I hate it.

They call it scoreboard watching. Every game matters. I'm not just talking Padres games. I'm not just talking Giants and Rockies games. I've got my eye on every single National League game at all times. The Florida Marlins are nine games out of the Wild Card race but I'm still rooting for the Washington Nationals. If I can't have the NL West title, I need every team going for the Wild Card to choke.

I'm convinced every action I make is directly related to the Padres' success. Do I keep the Padres jersey koozie on the gear shift while I drive or just while I'm parked? Will stepping on the cracks of the sidewalk leading into work actually matter? Should I eat every breakfast out of my Padres hat bowl or none of them? This is how September baseball affects my daily life and it's driving me crazy.

There is still a month of baseball. Anything, and I mean anything, can happen. Do I want the Padres to struggle to keep up for the next two weeks and then go on a tear to make the playoffs and cruise through the playoffs? Or do I want the Padres to go on a tear now, clinch a playoff berth and fizzle in the postseason? Obviously the former, but for crying out loud do I hate September. Watching a team that's still in it at this point in the season is better than watching a last place club, but isn't any picnic being in the situation either. I hate September.

September 9: Recommendations to Hate

I'm no expert, but I love movies. I read Entertainment Weekly more for the articles on upcoming films than the ones on TV shows, music, and books. I visit websites like Ain't It Cool for the same reason. I love movie trailers, rumors, and trivia so I guess you could call me a bit of a "buff." It's for this reason that my parents will periodically ask me for recommendations for their Netflix queue.

The problem with this theory of theirs is that we have complete opposite tastes in movies. I loved (500) Days of Summer. They hated it. I was stoked to find that Zombieland was available for instant streaming and I loved every minute of it. They gave up thirteen minutes in and later told me that they spent the time exchanging looks and wondering what I could possibly like about it.

This is how every recommendation goes. I'll go on a movie run and tell them how much I loved Inception. I'll tell them how tears welled up in my eyes three different times for Toy Story 3. They like hearing what movies I like. They just don't like the movies. Yet, they continue to ask me what movies they should add to their queue.

They like movies like The Ice Princess and 27 Dresses. I like Inglourious Basterds and District 9. I think the last movie that we both agreed on was in 1994 and it was called Forrest Gump. I'm obviously exaggerating here, but we rarely strongly agree on a film.

It shouldn't bother me when they don't like my recommendations, but it does. I feel responsible for wasting their time. They received Mr. Brooks today in the mail and I just have to wait for them to tell me how much they hated it.

September 8: Electrotherapy with Boredom and Curiosity

The Empi 300 PV is a state of the art electrotherapy system for home use. Its two lead wires connect to electrodes that are placed on the targeted muscle and supplies an electrical current to stimulate muscle contraction. With the Empi 300 PV, I have been instructed to use the electric current to contract the recently repaired tendon in my fifth phalange on my left hand.

When the physical therapist showed me how to use my new toy, she dialed the intensity control to a modest 4.0. Upon pressing the start button, my fingers twitched, tingled, and curled into my palm without my help. At a setting of 4.0 I was unable to extend my fingers. They were locked into a fist for the five second interval that the therapist had assigned. I was astonished at the strength of these one inch, sticky circles on my arm. "How high do the settings go?" I asked. 14.0 was the answer.

Boredom will lead a child to light drops of oil on fire in his father's garage. Curiosity will cause teenagers to experience with sex and drugs. Combining the two can have fatal and/or comedic results.

As Mick Jagger bounced on a stage singing "Jumping Jack Flash" in Martin Scorsese's Shine a Light, I sat shirtless in my chair at the dining room table. In front of me, the Empi 300 PV sat quietly with its wires and electrodes waiting for further instruction. My chin barely reached my right shoulder as I massaged my naked bicep with my left hand. I slowly curled my right arm across my body and studied the muscle movements. I watched them flex and felt the specific locations that caused the arm's movement.

Satisfied with my observations, I peeled the first electrode from the clear plastic covering and carefully placed it on the lower half of my relaxed bicep. I then placed the second electrode on the upper portion of the muscle just below the shoulder. With my right arm hanging at my side, I followed the two lead wires from the bicep to the output jack of the system's control box.

My heart raced when the front display panel on the gray box lit up upon turning the power on. The intensity controls were still set at 4.0 from my earlier session. I pressed the up arrow once and watched the digit to the right of the decimal change to 5. Twenty more clicks and I was at maximum strength. If 4.0 made a fist, surely 14.0 would be enough to lift an arm.

My racing heart was now accompanied by a deep rhythmic beat from somewhere behind my sternum. The palms of my hands were damp and I didn't notice the old footage of the Rolling Stones and their early interviews. With all of my focus and concentration on the wires taped to my arm, I got as close to the bicep as I could; I wanted to see every minute, flexing movement. My eyes were on my arm, my left fingers were wrapped around the machine, and my thumb was softly grazing the start button; and then it pressed down.

The deep pounding I heard in my chest before my experiment was nothing compared to the slapping I felt immediately after depressing the button. In a matter of less than a second, my entire arm went numb before rocketing across my chess where my relaxed fingers met my unsuspecting face and I was nearly thrown out of the chair from shock.

Boredom is the state of feeling weary from a lack of interest in one's current activity. Curiosity is a strong desire to know or learn something. A bag of frozen vegetables held to the left side of my face is the result of combining the two. The Empi 300 PV has been dialed down to its recommended 4.0 where it will stay for the duration of my at-home treatment to the tendon in the fifth phalange of my left hand.

September 7: Wikipedia

"Wikipedia is the best thing ever. Anyone in the world can write anything they want about any subject. So you know you are getting the best possible information."

Like Michael Scott of The Office, I love Wikipedia. I'm pretty sure the content is monitored a little more closely than the quote might suggest so I'm not too concerned with the origins of the information. The website has been a huge part of this "365 Days" project of mine. I've learned more about cereal mascots, trail mix ingredients, and Famous Amos from Wikipedia than I could have ever imagined. When I get an unusual idea for a post, I go straight to my browser's bookmarks and navigate my cursor to the online encyclopedia. Sometimes I'll Google an idea and I will still be sent directly to Wikipedia.

As great as the site is for looking up random facts about the origins of the National Anthem or the story behind Honest Abe, there are so many other features that few people know about. Every day, there is a featured article on a random subject (Did you know Hastings Ismay was the first Secretary General of NATO?), a daily photo with accompanying facts (Today's is a picture of the seaside daisy), and an "On This Day" section. I couldn't care less about most of this featured information, but I still love that it's there in the event that extreme boredom sets in.

Wikipedia has everything. Today I was considering writing about the crazy colors that Crayola comes up with for their crayons. I wasn't surprised at all to find that the site had a list of every color released by the coloring company since it was founded in 1885. Michael Scott was correct in saying that anyone in the world can write on a subject, but I know there is some sort of regulation and checking. I just don't know what that process is. If only there were a website that would have that kind of information...