December 9: Elvis

You are cordially invited to attend the services for our beloved Elvis. As you may or may not know, Elvis was a part of our family for the past twelve years. We rescued our German Shepard mix from the local animal shelter when he was just eight-weeks-old and he has returned the favor by gracing us with his presence and warmth. He died last Tuesday and we would love for you to be involved with his remembrance.

The services will be held at 5:00 this Thursday evening at the Mexican restaurant on S. Lamar Boulevard. It will be a night of stories, food, drinks, and moments of prayer. There will be plenty of laughter stemming from tales of Elvis' mischievous youth. I invite you to bring your obnoxious children and your boring spouses.

To help celebrate the life of Elvis, I will be bringing the unwashed, leather collar he was wearing when his heart failed him. The scent of sweat and dirt that still emits from the abandoned neckband will help remind us all what an active dog he was. I will also bring with me a photo of Elvis in the generic dog frame I purchased from Target, a candle, and Chicken Soup for the Dog Lover's Soul so we can read stories of unrelated pets.

Because he was such a special soul, Elvis will also be in attendance. In a specially engraved, solid Ash wood, stained Mahogany urn, the ashes of our beloved Elvis will sit on the table throughout the course of our meal and conversation. I will have his flea-infested collar carefully set beside the urn and we can all think about Elvis' charred remains as we eat our ground beef enchiladas.

Although he was incredibly ugly, Elvis will forever be in our hearts. I invite you to take time out of your holiday season to spend an hour and a half talking about an animal that you probably couldn't care less about. Come enjoy a happy hour margarita (house tequila) and listen to my stories that are exactly the same as every other dog owner on the planet. Elvis would want you to be there.