"Uh oh.""What? What's wrong?"
"The bottle's almost full; I'm still going."
"So stop going."
"I can't stop going once I've started. It stings! Quick, get me another bottle. C'mon. Hurry, hurry, HURRY!"
* * * *
"The aim of Kegel exercises is to improve muscle tone by strengthening the pubococcygeus muscles of the pelvic floor. Kegel is a popular prescribed exercise for pregnant women to prepare the pelvic floor for physiological stresses of the later stages of pregnancy vaginal childbirth. Kegel exercises are said to be good for treating vaginal prolapse and preventing uterine prolapse in women and for treating prostate pain and swelling resulting from benign prostatic hyperaplasia (BPH) and prostatitis in men. Kegel exercises may be beneficial in treating urinary incontinence in both men and women. Kegel exercises may also increase sexual gratification and aid in reducing premature ejaculation." ("Kegel Exercise," Wikipedia)
* * * *
I enjoy my kegel exercises most when I'm in the private stall of a public restroom and I really have to go. I'll aim my high-pressured stream of urine for the very center of the water in the bowl where I know it will make the most obnoxious sound possible. I then simply contract my pubococcygeus muscles to restrict the flow and halt the reverberations of my acidic sound waves. Once I'm certain the guests in the neighboring stalls are convinced that my urinary disposal has concluded, I release the muscles and allow the joyous sounds of crashing liquids to commence. Then I contract again and confuse everyone within hearing range.
Sure, it stings, but this is Brandon you're reading. This is a guy that will stop at nothing to achieve maximum hilarity and laughter. If it causes a little pain along the way, so be it. If it causes a little pain in a little (ahem) extremity, even better; now there's a story to go along with the story!
Imagine my joy when I found out my little prank was actually good for me. When I learned about the kegel, I was ecstatic. I could now turn my pastime of making people laugh during pee-time into exercise hour. I could have the same benefits of kegels by doing them silently at my desk in school or I could give strangers a funny story to tell their friends. I chose the latter.
Sure, it stings, but this is Brandon you're reading. This is a guy that will stop at nothing to achieve maximum hilarity and laughter. If it causes a little pain along the way, so be it. If it causes a little pain in a little (ahem) extremity, even better; now there's a story to go along with the story!
Imagine my joy when I found out my little prank was actually good for me. When I learned about the kegel, I was ecstatic. I could now turn my pastime of making people laugh during pee-time into exercise hour. I could have the same benefits of kegels by doing them silently at my desk in school or I could give strangers a funny story to tell their friends. I chose the latter.
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