November 24: The Double Dip

This is an age-old subject. People have been talking about it for years and TV sitcoms have done scenes all about it. Comedians have done bits on it and I'm sure investigative reporters have done stories on it. I'm talking about the double dip.

In an episode of Seinfeld, a character named Timmy explains the definition of a double dip to George after witnessing him break the social rule. "You dipped the chip, you took a bite, and you dipped again. It's like putting your whole mouth right in the dip. From now on, when you take a chip, just take one dip and end it!" I couldn't have explained it any better.

Today I was out with some friends. We were at a restaurant enjoying the complimentary chips and salsa that preceded the main entree. I had never been out with one of these "friends," but after today, I can guarantee you that I will never go out with him again. After he broke the cardinal rule of dipping twice into any sort of dip around me, I sat and observed him as he literally shoveled chip after chip into his continuously chomping mouth.

Watching someone eat large chips is, without a doubt, one of the most disgusting and vile things to put yourself through. Like everything else, there are exceptions, but most of the time, when you take a bite, the entire chip cracks apart in your hand. This, in turn, causes most people to shove the rest of the chip into their mouths before it completely crumbles apart and lands in the lap. By eating chips in this manner, it is virtually impossible not to send tiny crumbs flying everywhere.

I was so turned off by the way this idiot was attacking these chips, that I almost lost my appetite. He was eating as though he hadn't had anything to eat in days. He would grab a chip, dip it into the salsa, take a bite and shove the rest of the chip (except for the largest shard) into his mouth before dipping once more with the remaining chip; and chew with his mouth open.

People have told me they're convinced I have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and that I'm a "germ-iphobe" but I can assure you that I don't and, am not, either of these things. But when you double dip your chip in the same dip I'm using, I will refuse to use that dip again. I will make a scene, do my best to insult your intelligence and to offend you, and basically go over the top with my reaction. I don't care if you're my mother, my girlfriend, my best friend, or a complete stranger. I'm with Timmy. "It's like putting your whole mouth right in the dip." The same goes for anyone that drinks out of my cup or eats off my plate. It's just one of those things that really irritates me.

Because of the industry that I'm in, I have the pleasure (sarcastically speaking) of watching people shove chips in their mouths every day. I get pissed off when people come in and eat the free chips and salsa, don't pay for anything, and then have the nerve to run me around for refills. This lunatic I was at lunch with today did all of these things and I had to sit there and be associated with him. If you ever get the opportunity to go out with me, do me a favor. "When you take a chip, just take one dip and end it!"