November 14: Keep Austin Weird

Red Wassenich didn't mean anything by his remark; nor did he have any idea how quickly his quote would gain popularity amongst the locals. He was nothing more than a librarian at a community college when he found himself on the phone with a local radio station. When asked about the multiple small businesses in the area, Red simply replied, "Keep Austin weird" and the phrase immediately took off.

Wassenich was referring to the many small businesses in the Lone Star State's capital, but too many people have taken the phrase literally. I can think of at least two posts that I've written that involve Thundercloud Subs on South Lamar and after not visiting the local sandwich shop in quite some time, today I realized why. I have nothing against the business at all; in fact, I love it and writing (at least) my third entry about the goings on there is difficult for me to do because I love its product so much. I can't help it though. It's an absolute freak show in there!

The sandwiches are so good. Everything is made fresh and they don't have the processed meat that Subway has. Their bacon is thick and crispy. Their rolls are soft and delicious. They have sprouts! Unfortunately in order to get to the deliciousness of the sandwich, the customer has to get by the Emo kids working the counter.

Today I was helped by a girl with a shaved head of blue and bleached-blonde checkers. She wore a low cut shirt that displayed star tattoos on either clavicle in addition to the tattoos that spread down the length of her chest. Her arms were covered in even more tattoos and she had her septum pierced to go along with the many piercings she had in her ears, brows, lips and who knows where else. She was nice enough, but how am I supposed to feel comfortable ordering something to put in my mouth with someone like that piecing it together?

She's not even the worst of the bunch! There is another girl who works there that is just too much. She looks a little more conservative (by conservative, I mean fewer tattoos and piercings and a more "normal" hair style), but the way she talks is absolutely cringe-worthy. (It's going to be difficult to write for you to really gain an accurate idea of how annoying she sounds.) She's one of those people that places her emphases on words that people don't normally emphasize and then she'll tack on things like, "Great" and "No problem" to your answer with a bit too much enthusiasm. Now, if you have the cadence correct, imagine someone using a voice that's abnormally girly and over-the-top. "Do you want any mayonnaise or mustard today?" Spicy mustard, please. "Great! How about some chips?" Not today, thanks. "Nooo problem!" Ugh. Trust me, it's sickening.

I remember writing about how much I hate when people ask what I've been doing all day while they prepare my food instead of simply providing the common "Hey, how's it going?" greeting upon my entering the establishment. The latter girl is notorious for this crap. She's constantly in my business and I never have anything interesting worth saying and I know that even if I did, I would just have to hear that phony voice acting as though she was interested.

My sandwich was fantastic, but I don't know how many more times I can put up with that crowd. I want to keep Austin weird by supporting Thundercloud Subs, but it really is painful to go in there. No, I don't want to talk to you. No, I don't want to drop my spare change in your decorated tip jar because you're doing what you're being paid to do in the first place. Please just make my sandwich and leave me alone. Thank you.