November 22: Terry Schlitz

His name was Terry Schlitz and he was as average as they come. In high school, he was never at the top of class, yet he wasn't at the bottom either. He never played any sports or joined any clubs, but he always did his homework and did what he was told. He had a small group of friends, but for the most part he kept to himself and did his own thing. As average as he was, it was Terry Schlitz that came up with the idea for one of the most underrated objects of our generation.

After high school, Terry got a job working for a telemarketing company that offered ways to refinance home loans. He put in his time each day and made the calls he was supposed to make. He consistently clocked in at exactly 8:00 am, clocked out at exactly 5:00 pm, never came back from his hour lunch tardy, and didn't even come in on the weekends when overtime was available to those who wanted some extra cash. Terry was simply average.

When Terry was hired, he attempted to pack his lunch each day to one, save money and two, to maintain a balanced diet. The first week of employment, his lunches consisted of a sandwich, a sliced apple, a small baggy of crackers, some carrot and celery sticks, and one individually wrapped package of string cheese to go along with a bottle of water. As the first week progressed into his first few months on the job, however, he began replacing the baggy of crackers with prepackaged Doritos. The sliced apple became a whole apple and the water was replaced by a can of soda. Before his first anniversary, he was taking five minutes of his hour to drive to the local drive-thru and another five to return.

Calling randomly selected strangers throughout the day and being hung up on on a consistent basis can wear on a person. It can cause severe bitterness toward humanity and send a person into exile from the outside world. When constantly being interrupted and yelled at by these people, one's self-esteem and confidence can quickly diminish and this is exactly what happened to Terry Schlitz.

To abscond the pressures of a demanding society, Terry escaped to the confines and comforts of his own studio apartment each night. As the years passed, he became so much of a recluse that he refused to go anywhere there was a crowd; including the grocery store. Before long, the only people he had to deal with outside of work were those on the intercom and window shifts at each drive thru he frequented on a daily basis.

Similar to the lunches he made for himself each morning out of high school, his every meal now came in a brown, paper sack with a colorful fast food restaurant logo printed on the outside. Mondays was McDonald's. Tuesdays were Taco Bell. Wednesdays: Wendy's and Thursdays: Burger King. Fridays marked the end of the week which meant the end of having to persuade unwilling strangers how to manage their money so he splurged on Sonic Burger. It was a little more interaction than he preferred, but he could park his car and eat without feeling rushed to keep the line moving.

As Terry became more and more familiar with the drive-thru process, one thing stood out as a real annoyance for him. The window attendant always handed him his drink and wrapped straw before serving his bagged meal and while waiting for his breakfast, lunch, or dinner to follow, Terry continually found himself holding the straw's wrapper after placing it through the slotted lid.

As average as Terry was, he was exceptionally clean. Everything had its place in his home and in his car. He took out the trash each morning and kept his apartment spotless at all times. He drove his car through a car wash every third Tuesday of each month and vacuumed the interior with each visit so being in possession of a small amount of trash before starting each meal wore heavy on Terry's nerves. Something had to be done.

Who would have guessed that a remarkably clean, average guy working for a telemarketing company sent into recluse would come up with something as useful and universally underrated as the top of a trashcan at the end of the drive-thru? Sturdy enough to remain securely set on top in the strongest of winds and shaped perfectly for a passing driver. What kind of person would think of something that made so much sense? That annoying telemarketer, that's who; Terry Schlitz.